我们的约定

Our deal of 3 years, it was just bull shit to him. It has always been bull shit and nothing will ever change that.. That day when I broke off with him, the only thing I wished for him was to change into a better person, at least better than what he was before but it seemed as if he really changed for the better. Seemingly I thought so but i was wrong, he didn't change at all, nothing changed. Behind my back he still flirts with other girls and asks them for stead when he alr asked me. I saw things I shouldn't when I tried to login into his account, I know it was wrong but I couldn't help the temptation of wanting to know things and knowing the truth. Fortunately I logged into his account and immediately my heart just felt disappointment and sadness. He didn't change at all and what was with my wishful thinking hoping and telling others he had changed into a different, much better person than before. I feel so damn stupid for believing his lies over lies, time over time again. I regret even trying to trust him again, I regret trying to forgive him even though things were bad in the first place. Now, our deal of 3 years can just either leave it to a side or wait and see. I have no idea what to do, I don't want to regret my decisions again. I miss him but seems like he's just making use of me. So disappointed

I Never Knew..

I never knew I was such a let down.. I never knew it until one day my best friend just told me she gave up on me and when she saw me today when i called her name, the first thing she said to me was 'I Salute You' .. My heart totally dropped cause she was like the only one i could always share things too, the only one that would advise me and not give up on me but ever since that day, she gave up and today, i guess she wouldn't want me back as her friend and also she totally gave up.. I wish i could explain things to her but can i? She doesn't even want to talk to me, let alone listen to my explaination. I'm totally lost at what to do and i just can't understand why was i so stupid to be so stubborn in the past. I regret it so much, regret not taking her advise. Why was i such a let down, why couldn't i just listened in the past.. What am i suppose to do? Feels like i've lost such a great friend that cares so much but now, we're nothing but strangers, worst off on bad terms.. How much i wish i could explain to her everything but i don't think she would even listen at all.. I miss her, I miss my friend that cares so much for me.. I miss her..